Everyday I take the bitter pill of my commute with mute regard to the complete fools I share the road with. Until now. You know who you are! This post is for all those who think they are “getting ahead” by making the rest us cringe every time we begin the daily ritual of driving into work every morning. There are many types of crazy MA drivers, but these are by far the worst.
Technorati Tags: boston, cars, commute, traffic
During my daily commute into work I have noticed five types of insane drivers it seems I always end up dealing with on my way into work. Some are worse than others but each of the types below, if you have the misfortune of encountering them, will really drive you nuts.
1. The Swinger
This one has got to be one of the worst types of drivers on the road today. Even though it’s a single lane, you know they are still going to try to “swing around” you and attempt to pass. All in the name of getting just one car closer to god only knows what lame job they are in such a hurry to get to. These folks cause more grief and mayhem since nobody expects them to try something so completely whacked, which is exactly why they do it. I guess they figure since you won’t be expecting them to be sneaking around you on a single lane on or off ramp so they are going to take you by surprise. You can find them plying their tactics on the on and off ramps going into Boston on just about any day of the week.
2. The Bumper-Humper
These folks take tailgating to a whole new level. They get so close to the rear of your car that all you see is the their windshield and the glaring look of complete contempt on their face as they attempt to intimidate you into getting out of their way. Its almost like they think they can *push* you out of their way or something. I have had some of these guys get so close that I was forced to slow down to a crawl since even the tiniest application of the brake was sure to send them into the back of my car. Watch out for these freaks anytime there is a lane reduction, they take the whole concept of keeping the next type of driver from merging more seriously than life itself.
3. The Bait-and-Switch
These guys are the ones that almost always cause an outbreak of road rage on a Friday afternoon when everyone just wants to get home. They quickly make like they are going to get off at the next exit, slip into the breakdown lane and then BAM, they try to duck back into traffic again after passing lots of stopped cars in the other lanes. These folks are the real jerks of the road, they cause far more traffic as they try like crazy to merge back in while everyone else tries to keep them out as punishment for being such an ass in the first place. These folks are also the ones that drive right on up to a right turn only and then calmly proceed to go straight as soon as the light turns green. If you ask me they should be rounded up and….ummm…never-mind.
4. The Baby-On-Board
I really…and I mean REALLY hate those stupid signs, which are almost always stuck to the inside of mini-van windows. Seriously, like the previous three drivers in this list are going to care that you have a child in your car. The real irritating aspect of these mini-tank driving freaks is that they seem to think they own the road, like the rules just don’t apply to them. They change lanes without signaling, they make all kinds of crazy maneuvers in parking lots that seem bent on either making passengers sick or hitting as many pedestrians as possible and they just love to accelerate at about the same pace as an old lady with a walker.
5. The Lookie-Lou
If you have every driven into Boston then you very likely have encountered this type of driver. They slow down and look at ANYTHING. Several weeks ago there was this major traffic jam on Rt 1 that was caused by drivers slowing down to look at a tipped over dinosaur which was part of a mini-golf establishment alongside the road. Seriously, why in gods name would anyone bother to stop and look at something like that??? I would have never noticed it if people were not slowing down and staring at it. Of course these folks not only cause major traffic looking at stupid stuff on the side of the road they are on but they will also bring traffic to a halt for something on the complete opposite side of the road as well!
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I’d like to think I’m not any of these five. However, I suppose all of the five think that they’re not any of the five, so perhaps I’m deluding myself. Good stuff!
Although I don’t fall into one of the five categories, I have to admit that I sometimes drive like a Masshole because I am either a) lost or b) amongst a bunch of other Massholes and therefore am forced to drive like a Masshole in self-defense. In fact, last time I went on a joy ride around downtown Boston (i.e. got totally lost) I thought to myself “maybe there are really only one or two true Massholes in the world, and everyone else is just following suit.” And then I just pulled over and cried, because I was scared and lost and didn’t know my way home. TMI Thursday, sorry, this just got away from me.
Great list! I’d like to think that I am not included in your list as my driving skills are supreme. It’s a toss-up, I’m not sure which annoys me more, the bumper-humper or the lookie-lou.
You gotta admit the tipped over T-rex was worth looking at especially for people who have been driving by that damn mini golf course for 20 years.
Your 5 are common to the whole Northeast US. You also forgot the MA merging concepts.
1) If merging you must put your blinders on and merge slowly while ignoring traffic already on the highway.
2) If you do foolishly plan to merge seamlessly onto the roadway in a hole in traffic, other drivers must accelerate or decellerate rapidly to prevent you from merging without slowing traffic in any way. That is not allowed in MA.
Well, if it makes you feel any beeter, there was a State Trooper on Rt. 1 in Revere the other day on the commute home pulling people over who were driving in the breakdown lane. It actually made me feel very very happy!
I take it your from the north shore so I guess you haven’t heard of the MA Autobahn
This in fact is RT 24 north after 495 if you have anything less than warp speed stay out of the third lane. Another thing I love coming in from the south is the HOV lane the only people allowed to drive single with no passengers are the State Troopers I have never seen a trooper on the regular road during rush hour.
I’m the first 3! Muhahahaha!! If it makes you feel any better I no longer drive. There’s too many cars here. I moved to the city, and I walk to work now.
Um, that’s just bad drivers in general — all over the country. I’ve lived in other states, but one thing I saw that was unique to Boston was that people think they can drive in between lanes and hover, going back and forth and never really staying in one lane. The f*** is that all about?
You make some funny, but good points. I’m the guy in the Jaguar!
I believe the reason you have so many terrible drivers is b/c the lanes and traffic signs are not placed in the proper areas. It makes no sense to have a road with a lane of traffic in both directions and the road itself is wide enough to accomodate 2 lanes of traffic in each direction. That’s way you have morons make up their own rules on the road and cause grief to so many. I love to be a cop here. I would fulfill my month ticket quota in only 8 hours. Especially, in places like Waltham and Watertown!
You just look for a Mustang or a 350Z and you know that is me son, and I will flip you off…too,,,