101 ways to tell if you’re from Massachusetts

1. The Red Sox World Series win was, and will always be, one of
the greatest moments in your life.

2. The guy driving in front of you is going 70 mph and you’re
swearing at him for going too slow.

3. When ordering a tonic, you mean a Coke.

4. You went to Canobie Lake Park or Water Country as a kid

5. You actually enjoy driving around rotaries.

6. You do not recognize the letter “R” as a part of the English
language eva!

7. Your social security number starts with a 0

8. You can actually find your way around Boston.

9. You know what a “regular” coffee is.

10. You keep an ice scraper in your car year-round.

11. You can tell the difference between a Revere accent and a
Dorchester accent.

12. Springfield is located “way out west.”

13. You almost feel disappointed if someone doesn’t f lip you the
bird when you cut them off or steal their parking space.

14. You know how to pronounce the names of towns like Worcester,
Billerica, Gloucester, and Haverhill.

15. Anyone you don’t know is a potential idiot until proven
otherwise.

16. Paranoia sets in if you can’t see a Dunkin Donuts or CVS
within eyeshot at all times.

17. You have driven to New Hampshire on a Sunday just to buy
alcohol.

18. You know how to pronounce Yastrzemski.

19. You know there’s a trophy at the end of the Bean Pot.

20. You order iced coffee in January

21. You know that the Purple Line will take you anywhere

22. You love scorpion bowls.

23. You know what they sell at a Packie.

24. Sorry Manny, but number 24 means DEWEY EVANS.

25. You know what First Night is.

26. You know at least one guy named Sean, Pat, Sully, Red, Bud or
Seamus.

27. McLobster? McCrap!

28. You know at least 2 cops in your town because they were your
high school drinking buddies.

29. Sure there are 6 New England states, but Connecticut really
doesn’t count.

30. You intentionally give wrong directions to tourists, feel bad
when they drive off, but then say to yourself ,”Ah, screw them.”

31. You know at least one bar where you can get something to
drink after last call.

32. You’re sick of the Kennedy’s, but you vote for them anyway.

33. You know holding onto the railing when riding the Green Line
is not optional

34. The numbers ‘78 and ‘86 make you cringe.

35. You’ve been to Goodtimes before

36. You think the rest of the country owes you for Thanksgiving
and Independence Day. (…and they DO).

37. You have never been to “Cheers.”

38. The words ‘WICKED’ and ‘GOOD’ go together.

39. You’ve been to Fenway Park several times.

40. You’ve gone to at least one party at U Mass.

41. You own a “Yankees Suck” shirt! or h at.

42. You know what a Frappe is.

43. You’ve been to Hempfest.

44. You know who Frank Averuch is.

45. ADVANCED: You know Frank Averuch was once Bozo the Clown

46. You can complete the following: “Lynn, Lynn…”

47. You get pissed off when a restaurant serves clam chowder, and
it turns out to be friggin’ Snows.

48. You actually know how to merge from six lanes of traffic down
to one.

49. The TV weatherman is damn good if he’s right 25% of the time.

50. You never go to “Cape Cod,” you go “down the Cape”.

51. You think that Roger Clemens and Johnny Damon are more evil
than Whitey Bulger.

52. You know who Whitey Bulger is.

53. You went to the Swan Boats, House of Seven Gables, or
Plymouth Plantation on a field trip in elementary school

54. Bobby Orr is loved as much as Larry Bird, Tom Brady, and Ted
Williams.

55. You remember Major Mudd.

56. You know what candlepin bowling is

57. You can drive to the mountains and the ocean all in one day

58. You know ScollaySquare once stood where Government Center
is.

59. When you were a kid, Rex Trailer was the cooles! t guy around.
Speaking of which…

60. You can still hum the song from the end of Boom Town

61. Calling Carrabba’s an “Italian” restaurant is sacrilege

62. You still have your old Flexible Flyer somewhere in your
parents’ attic.

63. You know that the Mass Pike is some sort of strange weather
dividing line.

64. The only time you’ve been on the Freedom Trail is when
relatives are in town.

65. The Big Dig tunnel disaster wasn’t really that much of a
surprise.

66. You call guys you’ve just met “Chief” or “Boss.”

67. 4:15pm and pitch black out means there’s just 3 more shopping
days until Christmas

68. You know more than one person with the last name Murphy

69. You refer to Savin Hill as “Stab ‘n Kill.”

70. You’ve never eaten at Durgin Park, but recommend it to
tourists.

71. You can’t look at the zip code 02134 without singing it.

72. You voted for a Republican Mormon as Governor just to screw
with the rest of the country.

73. 11pm? Drunk? It means one thing: Kowloon!

74. 2am? Drunk? It means one thing: Kelly’s Roast Beef!

75. 5am? Drunk? It means one thing: You ! wish you had a blanket in
your back seat

76. You know that P-Town isn’t the name of a new rap group.

77. People you don’t like are all “Bastids.”

78. You took school or work off for the Patriots first Super Bowl
Win Parade

79. You’ve called something “wicked pissa.”

80. You’ll always get razzed for Dukakis.

81. Saturday afternoons meant Creature Double Feature with Dale
Dorman

82. Sunday mornings meant the Three Stooges on Channel 38

83. You’ve slammed on your brakes to deter a tailgater

84. No, you don’t trust the Gorton’s Fi! sherm an.

85. You know that Papa Gino’s usually has a jukebox

86. You think Aerosmith is the greatest rock band of all time.

87. Your town has at least 6 sub shops, and none of them are a
Subway.

88. You know at least three Tony’s, one Vinnie and a Frankie.

89. 20 degrees isn’t that bad as long as there’s no wind.

90. You were very sad when saying goodbye to the Boston Garden

91. Thanksgiving means family, turkey, High School football, and
the long version of Alice’s Restaurant.

92. You know the guy who founded the Boston Pops was Athah
Feedlah.

93. You know what the Combat Zone is

94. You actually drive 45 minutes to New Hampshire to save $5 in
sales tax

95. You’ve pulled out of a side street and used your car to block
oncoming traffic so you can make a left.

96. You’ve bragged about the money you’ve saved at The Christmas
Tree Shop

97. You’ve been to Hampton Beach on a Saturday night

98. Playing street hockey was a daily after school ritual.

99. Hearing an old lady shout “Numbah 96 for Sioux City!” means
it’s time for steak

100. You remember Jordan Marsh, Grants, Bradlees, Caldor, Zayres,
or Ann & Hope.

101. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other
friends from Massachusetts

Popularity: 20% [?]

16 Responses to “101 ways to tell if you’re from Massachusetts”


  1. 1 Paul Fallavollita Feb 26th, 2007 at 2:32 pm

    #53. Add “Old Sturbridge Village” to the list of field-trip destinations.

  2. 2 Burt Sharff Mar 16th, 2007 at 1:20 am

    How about adding the following:

    You remember Norumbega Park and Rex Trailer.

  3. 3 Burt Sharff Mar 16th, 2007 at 1:29 am

    And let’s not forget Big Brother Bob Emory…… Who still remembers the words to the song he always sang: “The grass is always greener in the other fellow’s yard…..”

  4. 4 Paul Fallavollita Apr 23rd, 2007 at 7:27 am

    Having lived in Massachusetts the first 18 years of my life, I now realize (and miss) some of the differences. For example, it’s called a “grinder”… not a sub or a “hoagie” (that particular term for the sandwich sounds horrible).

  5. 5 Derek Richardson Jun 20th, 2007 at 2:13 pm

    #14 – Please add “Peabody”.
    #47 – Please add “or has bacon in it”.
    #53 – Please add Nahant.
    #92 – Please add “and has a footbridge named aftah him”.
    #93 – Should read, “You know where the combat zone WAS”.
    #94a – You have driven to New Hampshire to buy fireworks.
    #102 – You’ve been able to ice-skate since the age of 4 and learned on used skates bought at the local town sporting-goods store.
    #103 – You remenber when Harvard Square was a cool place to hang-out.
    #104 – You know that the streets in the Back Bay are in alphabetical order.
    #105 – You call your friends “Frankie, Bobby, & Joey”. NOT “Frank,Bob, & Joe”.
    #106 – You’ve spent the day at Jordan’s Furniture and didn’t buy a thing.
    #107 – You went shopping at “The Garage” in Harvard Square.
    #108 – You can pick-out actors TRYING to do a Boston accent vs. those who actually lived in the area and became actors.

  6. 6 edoyle Jul 3rd, 2007 at 10:53 pm

    hey, wait a minute #4. It was a sub, initially a submarine sandwich. Grinders came along a good while later. The best was Mr. G’s in Stoughton square. Hoagies are sacriligious.

    We got to go on Bozo one day in 1962??. Bozo wasn’t there, but Nozo was. He pointed at me to be Butch for a day and another girl jumped up in front of me. The whole thing was friggin rigged from the staht.

  7. 7 spyder1988 Jul 9th, 2007 at 9:08 pm

    #109 ~ You missed a week of school in May of 2006 due to excessive rain, not snow

  8. 8 Kate McKenzie Sep 20th, 2007 at 2:15 pm

    #110~ You went to the Lowell Mills for three seperate field trips, and they were to the same mill.

    #111~ You know Cambridge by it’s other name, The People’s Republic.

  9. 9 Darielle DiNitto Feb 19th, 2008 at 12:05 am

    to add to spyder1988-
    #112 ~ You’ve also missed a week of school in mid-April… due to snow, not a vacation.

  10. 10 Cassie Sep 23rd, 2008 at 5:24 pm

    Darielle, I was going to add that. We had a crazy one, what, back in ‘96? Like 3 feet of snow or something. We all got out of bed that morning and walked to the bus stop anyhow. No one actually thought they were going to cancel school for that little bit of snow. I think we ended up getting 3 days out of that storm. Go Mass!!

  11. 11 Brett Nov 17th, 2008 at 7:28 pm

    A lot this doesn’t apply if you grew up “west a’ Woosta”. For instance, while I once used “wicked” in nearly half my sentences, I know that the letter R is a very important part of the English language.

  12. 12 car dude Dec 10th, 2008 at 5:14 pm

    lul

  13. 13 beatla09 Jan 8th, 2009 at 5:20 pm

    If the Celtics NBA Finals win was the greatest moment of your life.

  14. 14 Kris Mar 15th, 2009 at 11:31 pm

    You missed school until Jan 5th 2009 because of the Ice Storm. Northwestern MA only

  15. 15 Jim Apr 11th, 2009 at 7:03 pm

    Please ad “when you are driving in New Hampshire they refer to you as those damn Massachssets drivers”, and in New Hampshire you can tell a Massachussets hunter because he’s the only one that got a few sound shots off that day.

  16. 16 Devon Jun 9th, 2009 at 7:00 pm

    You are in walking distance of a mall.
    You practically live at Quincy Market.
    You think we need more Krispy Kreme and Starbucks, less Dunkin Donuts.
    You’re either Irish, Polish, Italian, or Portuguese.
    You think Franklin County is the middle of nowhere.

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